Posts tagged wife

Killing the Grouchy Old Woman

I watched a movie on Thursday morning with my two eldest daughters called “How to Make an American Quilt”. One of the characters in the movie has become very cynical and bitter…a grouchy old woman. The story tells of how she became this way. Once she    was a wonderful, beautiful diver, but, after marrying, the obligations of being a mom brought her down and she gave up diving. She gave up her life for her husband and kids. Eventually she found herself alone and bitter because those around her didn’t like what she had become. The lively diver had disappeared.

I can relate so much to this. In our culture often times the opposite happens, a woman pursues so much of her own interests and life that there is no room for those closest to her. We have become a very self-seeking culture.

In my own personal quest to not ever forsake my kids and husband, I have pushed aside my own desires and abilities. I worry that I won’t give the kids what they need. I worry I won’t be a good wife. I worry that I will mess things up. Inside though, I am saddened about the things I miss out on. I become a bitter martyr. I become the grouchy, old woman.

There has to be a balance. It can’t be all one way or the other. A woman must nurture her giftings and still sacrifice her life for her children and family. A woman must sacrifice through her gifts and talents. The greatest gift I have ever received is being a mom. It is through my gifts and talents that I give life to my family. The two must be one and the same and yet separate.

I see it when I play my guitar and my kids sing and dance around me. I see it when I take them hiking and they delight in running and exploring. I see it as they try to “write” their own songs or dance like mommy. What a joy…for me and for them. Is it perfect? No, but it is fun!…we have fun…they have fun! We are living life together!

I find myself humbled and in awe of the fact that God can use my gifts as a way to become closer to my children. I have wrestled with how I am to fit everything into my day; wrestled with the guilt of me versus them. God showed me that it is possible to meet all my needs and theirs too. I realized it is about us. I really don’t know how to explain it, but I just went with the flow. I let go. I let go and let God.

I need to stop sweating the small stuff.

What passion has God placed in your heart that you have cast aside? In what way can you share this passion with your children and husband? Are you including your family into your passions?

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Help for the Unemployed’s Wife

I got such a kick out of this list!

I have seen and read articles about what to do if you lose your job, but I have never seen an article telling a wife what to do if her husband loses his job. When a man loses his job, it affects everyone in the family, not just himself. So I thought I would share some of the things I’ve learned in response to my husband losing his job.

  • One of the first things I had to understand was it is not my job to get my husband a new job. That’s his job. There were times when I have been tempted to ask what jobs he has applied for or what websites he has visited. Sometimes people would tell me of jobs they knew about, I would pass it along and leave it at that. I knew if he was interested he would find out more. I didn’t nag. I view his job searching like my cooking dinner. My husband doesn’t come and hover over me as I cook; making sure that I put in all the right ingredients. No, he just comes when food is ready knowing that I have done the best I can with dinner. Job hunting is his job not mine.
  • Sometimes my husband will get really down on himself. He will beat himself up and say things like, “My life sucks.” I have really struggled with not taking it personally and not making it about me. I have had to bite my tongue on numerous occasions from saying, “Gee, love you, too.” (Said with much sarcasm.) And I am sure I have let it slip a couple of times. I can guarantee you that it will start a fight. My husband’s feelings of being a failure have nothing to do with me or our family. I just keep on loving and supporting him and telling him how wonderful I think he is.
  • It has also been hard for me to come to grips that my husband is not going to be doing more housework. My mentality was “If he is going to be home, then he should do half of the housework too.” But this brings me back to my earlier point, it is his job to find a job. If he had a job, he wouldn’t be here anyway to help out, so why am I bitter? As soon as I realized this, when he does help out it has become a blessing and not me feeling like “it’s about time.” And now I feel like he is such a tremendous help to me!
  • Whether my husband has a high paying job or can only make minimum wage, he is still my man! I still hold his face in my hands and tell him how proud I am of him. Nothing and no one can convince me otherwise. He’s smart. He’s sexy. He’s talented. And even if the world may not see it, I show him that every chance I can get.
  • I have also struggled with feelings like, “Aren’t I worth you going and getting a job you hate?” I have catered to the thought, “Oh, it would only be a season of not seeing you…” I have struggled with my desire for fine things. I have struggled with seeing other people get things I want. But they are only things. It is far more important to have a husband who is around to be a daddy. It is far more important to have my man around to be my husband.
  • I have had to come to terms with trying to fix our financial situation. Again this comes back to letting him do his job. For us and our beliefs, it is my husband’s job to provide for our family. Not mine. I have had part-time jobs during our season of financial cutbacks. And, once, instead of doing the job as a way to get out of the house, it became a way to make money. What happened instead was the kids started fighting; they started getting crabby; I became resentful. I had to come to grips with the fact that it wasn’t my job. I had to let it go. I had to give it over to God…all of it.

That is what has brought me through this season. I rest peacefully in the role God has given me as a wife. I am my husband’s help meet. I am to help him, not take over. My job is to take care of my home and my children. I find so much peace in this. I know that God will provide. I know my husband will do his job. I trust that God will guide him. After all, I didn’t marry a dud…I married a stud.

Are you embracing the role God has for you as a wife? Read the Word and ask what role God wants you to have. Rest in the confidence that He will provide all your needs.

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Drive Gone Bad (Then Re-routed!)

I was driving around town with my husband. I was really excited about this morning. For weeks, my husband has been gone EVERY day. But today the kids didn’t have school and we were able to go and get out for a little bit. Now Joe gets out every day, but I don’t. I am home EVERY day. So I was very excited to just get out and explore and talk with each other.

But then my husband got some bad news early into our adventure, and this put him in a bad mood. I challenged him and said, “Are you going to be in a bad mood all day?” (Most people when asked this would say, “No, but since you put it that way, YES!”)

No response.

Wives listen up! Here is how my thought process went…

Well, then I will just have to have fun with out you. I don’t need you. I can go out by myself. I can have a life with out you. I don’t need you to make me happy.

I was rather hurt that here we finally had some time together and he was grumbling about how awful his life was. For women this translates, “…how awful my life with you is…”

This little conversation went on for a couple of minutes in my head.

Oh the things I could do…without you.

Then I had a realization…

This is how people end up divorced.

  • “We grew apart.”
  • “We have nothing in common.”
  • “We’re not in love anymore.”

I reigned in my pity party. This isn’t about me. My husband needs my support. He just got some terrible news. He has every right to be upset. There will be other days to go out and explore and have fun. Be supportive. It isn’t about me. And that is what love is about…

Love is not self seeking.

After a little bit, his smile came back, and we had a nice time out. Thank goodness I didn’t listen to that little voice.

What about you? Do you pull away from your spouse because you think you’re not important or needed? Do you plan ways to “get away”? Or maybe your trying to get even. What way can your put your needs aside and be there for your husband or wife? Look up 1 Corinthians 13:4. Are you loving your spouse?

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