Do You Have It?

Since the moment of our little girls’ births, my husband and I have been actively trying to protect their innocence and purity. We have dressed them in modest clothes opting not to dress them in fashions that would be seen on a grown woman instead of a child. We don’t put them in mini skirts, skorts, high heels, bikinis, midriffs. We don’t want to have to change the rules at a later date. We set the rules from the start. We want them to respect modesty, appreciate modesty. We want them to know that their bodies are beautiful; that they’re jewels waiting to be revealed at the right time.

We have also set up guidelines to protect the integrity of all our kids and ourselves. Some of my male friends who have worked on music with me know that I won’t practice alone with them. This has made things difficult at times, but everyone I have ever worked with has respected this completely. I appreciate their integrity.

Once my brother asked to take one of my girls to the movies. I had to tell him that we didn’t do that…having our girls be alone with a guy…any guy…fearing he would be offended. He wasn’t in the slightest. He completely respected our decision. He has integrity.

I read once that Billy Graham doesn’t do one on one counseling with women. He always has someone else with him. I think this is so wise. You might think this is foolish. I know better though.

I once trusted a guy…a friend. He told me that in order to really trust me he needed to see and feel every inch of my body. I was naive. I trusted him. An homeschooling author I really admired had her family of ten shattered apart when she discovered her husband had been molesting her oldest daughter. A brother, who was supposed to be protecting his siblings, decided instead to introduce porn to his sister. A police officer, the person who you tell your kids you can trust, rapes a woman. A man, who says she is just like a sister, sleeps with her and destroys forever the complete trust he had.

It happens every day. Men and women find themselves in situations they didn’t intend to be in. Take that politician. It started out as a simple exchange of e-mail addresses and private conversations. They never meant for it to turn into what it did.

But what if he had the integrity to say, “Sorry, for accountability purposes I don’t have private, intimate conversations with women. I am not going alone with you to lunch. Let’s keep it all in the open. Let’s have someone else there.”

Recently, a kind young man offered for us to come and live in his home with him. I politely told him later that I didn’t feel comfortable with that. There would be times when he might be alone with myself or one of my older daughters in his home. I respected his purity as much as my own daughters. I didn’t want it to be awkward for anyone including his future bride. I believe he is a trustworthy man. I have no doubt of that. But it is about integrity and accountability.

If you are offended that someone would have the “rules” of not being alone with you, then you need to ask yourself if you have integrity. Are you afraid of accountability? Any man worth his integrity would honor and welcome accountability.

I am very proud that my husband has this integrity and demands it of himself and others. He has taught me so much over  the years. And one thing he has taught me is that it is not about trust, but accountability and integrity.

2 Responses so far »

  1. 1

    Diana Fulmer said,

    bravo, with you all the way… except I am a psychologist and work with male and female patients and we need to be in a confidential situation due to the nature of the work…sometimes it is reversed that male therapists work with female clients, Christian included. some do not deal well with this.. You have yo have the boundaries regardless. Male and female clients need to know they are safe with me, that none of my needs will be acted upon in these appointments… but generally speaking one should be very careful…. our pastor mentioned that even having lunch with his sister in public can be awkward due to the desire to keep these boundaries pure and righteousness and due to the weird things that people think, and so do medical doctors except that a male doc will have a nurse present when doing” hands on” evaluations…… what amazes me is that i know several Christian massage therapists who practice on both sexes… and sometimes I think that is going over the line.personally….I would only have a female myself, but I do know of a very Gos;y man whom I respect who is a male massage therapist but I still would not have him do a massage on me……..we are a minority though I must tell you…….

    • 2

      Mama K said,

      Yes, you are right. We are a minority. But what makes it more frustrating is the fact that we even have to defend why we need these accountability measures in the first place. It isn’t about trust.


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