Archive for June, 2010

Doubts

I woke this morning full of doubts. Thoughts like “Who am I to think that I can help someone? I can’t even help those closest to me.” And, “Why would anyone want me to lead worship? I am not wanted where I am now. What would be the difference somewhere else?” I contemplated asking for recognition in my talents and abilities from those around me.

But then I thought of why we want to do ministry. We want to do ministry because God has called us to it. We want to help others. We want to make a difference for God. We want to save marriages. We want to give hope to the lost.

I have no idea whether I am qualified. I have studied. I have practiced my music, but I wouldn’t say that I am qualified. I am no more gifted than the next person.

That doesn’t really matter when it comes to Kingdom living though. All that matters is that God is on my side. If God wants to help someone, He will. If God wants to lead others in worship through me, He will. If God wants to bring hope, He will. I am just His vessel.

Asking others whether my family should or shouldn’t pursue ministry is of little consequence. What matters is our obedience to God. I hope I can be obedient.

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Website and Ants, Plus Praise!

Oy, so hard to come up with a title every time! OK, so I know that I said I wanted to have the new site up by today, but I don’t have it quite done. Close, but not yet done. We are having challenges with my own technological shortcomings. Please bear with me a couple more days. Our ants are gone. Now, I can’t remember if I shared about our ants on here. We had a multitude of ants on our head board yesterday morning. I laid out some ant poison which seemed to just make them multiply. By the end of the day, there were so many! I then took drastic measures and sprayed some deadly chemicals on them. They all died within minutes. Later that evening, I cleaned them all up. I wasn’t sure if they would keep coming out of the wall and then crawl on our heads, but none reappeared. This morning still none. During the day today, a few have come out and slowly died on the board. The poison I laid out (which had Borax in it) is supposed to be ingested then shared with the others. After a while it kills the whole colony. So I think it is working. Praise God for that! I have another praise too. We are needed some funds for some expenses. And it is like the eleventh hour. Then today, someone calls and asks if they can drop by and give us some money. They had no idea we even needed it! Wow! God is so good! But I already knew that! 😉

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Updated Layout

For whatever reason we were having some glitches with our previous layout on our website so we had to change it. (Thank you, Joe!) It is only temporary though. I am still working on our website offline and will hopefully have the new version up very, very soon. Sorry for the inconvienence this may have caused some of you. Please pray that I have the knowledge to get it finished! Also, this has been a challenging week for us at JoKars Wild. A lot of faith has been needed to get through this week. If it is God’s will for us to step out in ministry then He will open the doors for us to do so. Please pray for His will to be done. I will keep you updated on God’s work in our lives. Till then…

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Eternal Separation?

As Joe and I seek to walk out in faith and ministry, I find myself thinking not of what I am giving up, nor of fear of speaking the Truth with love. No, I find myself thinking of the 3 people God has placed on my heart that I have yet see come to Christ.

The funny thing is that I am sure none of these people know how much they mean to me. One of them I once had a dream of her salvation and then victory in leading many, many to Christ. I have prayed many nights for her salvation and still do.

The other I have not seen for over 13 years. I have no idea where she lives or what is going on in her life. I pray for her salvation as well as a reconnection with her.

The last is a man who has no idea of the profound effect he has had on my life. I have often wondered at my choices and how they might affect him. I have lost sleep over the loss of his child and have wondered if he has too. I grieve over the thought of his not being with me in heaven. As I grow closer to God, I fear the division that causes between us.

The word says, “Do you think I came to bring peace on earth? No, I tell you. I have come to separate people. From now on there will be five members in a family, each one against the other. There will be three against two and two against three. They will be separated. Father will turn against son and son against father. Mother will turn against daughter and daughter against mother. Mother-in-law will turn against daughter-in-law and daughter-in-law against mother-in-law.” (Luke 12:51-53)

As much as I want to help those who are hurting, it is these 3 that I long to have by my side in eternity.

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The Ants Go Marching

I woke up rather early due to a plethora of ants crawling above my head. About every other minute one was crawling on me and I had to grab it and kill it. Due to my early rising, I was able to go to Columbus this morning and let Joe sleep in since he too didn’t sleep due to ants. This gave me some much needed time alone to talk to God. So thank you to the marching ants…

Ants crawling along my “head board”

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I Think I’ve Been Here Before

Many years ago, we had come to a place where we either gave up the dream or walked out in the abyss. We chose to give up the dream. 

Now, we are at another such point. My faith is being stretched further than I could have ever imagined. Yet this time, I think I have more faith. Yet this time more is at stake. 

I know that God is in control. I know He has a plan.

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Mornings in the Trailer

It is about 8 am at the Becker household. Nehemiah woke up just a little earlier than normal for him. A strange thing has happened to our routine since moving into the trailer. For as long as I can remember, we have always had a strict 8 o’clock bedtime for the kids. Now, just because they are in bed doesn’t mean they are asleep. No, lights out for the older ones was 10. And Josiah was allowed to hang out downstairs till 9. But in the trailer, we can’t just send everyone to their rooms at 8 for bed. And if we did send them to bed at 8, that meant Joe and I would be confined to our bedroom or outside at that time. So we started letting them stay up and hang out with us. Also, it is still so bright out, so going to bed at 8 is just weird! So our new bedtime is somewhere around 10-10:30 for the little ones (9:30 for Nehemiah). For the older ones it is around midnight! How crazy is that! I myself try to be in bed by 11 with lights out by 12. So this brings me to now. Everyone is asleep except myself and Nehemiah. We have a high chair outside, and I snuck into the kitchen and grabbed some Cheerios for Nehemiah. Four kids sleep in the kitchen, so doing anything in there is near impossible while they sleep. I grabbed my netbook and thought I would update this blog. It is nice and quiet (except for the rooster crowing). It really is a nice way to start out the morning. The only thing better is a cup of hot chocolate and some food. (sigh)

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